Feeling Like It Can Be Too Late After All

The more time I spend living here, the harder it is to picture myself living here for much longer.
And, when I say "longer" I mean, one more year at the most.
It only seems like that because I spent the last few days back with my friends, doing things that I used to do regularly and took for granted.
I learned that I'm not myself here, and I find that quite strange.
I learned that I don't smile, laugh or get out nearly as much as I used to.
Not because I can't.
But because I'm just not motivated to do so.
Sure, the people here are nice.
But none of them seems all that real, or genuine.
No one I can really act myself around.
I mean, I guess I am myself..
But just not the self that I'm used to being.
Not the person that is always exciting and fun and happy, but the person that is quiet, calm and pretty.
Let's just say, the people I know here don't exactly bring out the best in me.
I'm used to trying to bring the best out in other people (and I'm told I do, which makes me happy) but the people I know here just seem like they've been doing the same thing for years and acting a certain way for most of their lives.

Seeing people get embarrassed over little things and not being able to laugh at themselves and just enjoy what life has to offer is just a big change in scenery for me.

You can only meet the same person so many times in so many different people.
So now I think it's time for me to spend some time focusing on me instead of other people.
And let you know that, it's okay to doubt yourself sometimes and it's okay to step into someone else's shoes. But always, aaalways take a breath, step back and look at you, look at your life, the big picture.
And remember that you control what effects you.

The only opinion that should make a difference is your own.